Current mood:	blah
Current music:	Dayna Kurtz - Love Gets in the Way
Entry tags:	boone/shannon, lost

Full of Fictions (Lost, Shannon/Boone)
Title: Full of Fictions
Fandom: Lost
Pairing: Shannon/Boone, Boone/f, Boone/m
Spoilers: through "Abandoned"
Challenge: lostfichallenge: "The truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie."
Rating: R
Summary: New York didn't fix his problems.

Disclaimer: Characters = JJ. Title = Okkervil River.

*

The best thing about New York was the fact that his mother was on the other side of the country. Boone didn't have to worry about truths and rumors getting back to her through gossips who called themselves friends. The times he drank too much, the girls he dated who were supposedly beneath him, the sharp words he said to 'important' people, the 'strange way' he looked at his step-sister. And, fuck, the concerned lectures he'd get whenever she'd hear about him stumbling out of a bathroom stall with some guy. (She always thought it was drugs and, sometimes, she was right.)

Now he could deal with her over the phone. Say: "Yes, I'm thinking about my future." And: "Yeah, I'm getting my life together," without her seeing him roll his eyes.

The worst thing about New York was the fact that Shannon was on the other side of the country. Distance didn't lessen his obsession with her like he hoped it would; it made him more convinced he was in love with her. Or maybe he was just in love with the fact that, no matter how fucked-up he was, she didn't think he was a fuck-up. (She even assumed the less-than-attractive truths about him were lies.)

Now he could only picture her as they talked on the phone. Her body stretched out on her bed as she said, "Your mom's a real bitch," her smile when he replied, "I know."

But maybe it was best to be away from both of them.

*

"I think I should act."

Robert's eyes were fixed on his cell phone. "Act on what? Have you been reading self-help books again?"

"I mean, be an actor."

Robert's latest girlfriend – Sarah or Sera or maybe Sierra – perked up. Acting was the only thing she pretended to be an expert on. "You should come to my acting class. Mr. Weller has really helped me bring my craft to a new level."

"And that's why no one's ever heard of him," Robert said.

The girlfriend with an S name frowned. She wrote a number on a napkin and Boone was disinterested by the time she pressed it into his palm.

Later, he called Shannon and told her, "I think I'm going into acting. I've already gotten some offers. This friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers, so..."

"That's so incredible," she said. "You'd be a natural. Or you are. Anyway, I could see you as a star."

He could picture her biting her lip as she smiled at a future he was never going to have. "Nah, you're the one who's going to be a star. I'll just be riding your coattails."

"Maybe we'll both be famous. And we can laugh in your mother's face."

"We can do that anyway," he said, and she kept giggling for the rest of the call.

*

He was half-drunk on a Tuesday afternoon when he met her. All he could think of when he looked at her face was Shannon and if Robert, who wasn't drunk at all, hadn't said, "Man, that looks like that girl. Your ex that you have all the pictures of," Boone would've assumed his reaction was simply because of the alcohol.

"Yeah," he said. "But Shannon's not my ex."

"Whatever."

He sidled up to the girl and told her, "I don't usually do this, but I have to tell you how beautiful you are."

A man with cheaper clothes or an uglier face would've gotten a roll of the eyes, but Boone had been given the right to be tacky from birth.

"Thank you," she said. "Do you want to know my name or do you just want to end it with the compliment?"

"I'd like to know your name."

"Celeste."

"I'm Boone," he said. "Have dinner with me."

*

She did have dinner with him. She told him her life story, though he really only heard the parts that reminded him of Shannon. She seemed to take his passivity as proof that he was a great listener because, though their date ended with a quick kiss in front of her building, she wanted to see him again.

Later, he called Shannon and told her, "I met this girl who looks exactly like you."

"Not exactly. That'd be impossible."

"Well. Close enough for it to be weird."

He didn't say he was half-in-love with this girl by virtue of her resemblance to Shannon. Or that he knew that, when he did finally get her into bed, Shannon would be in his thoughts.

"How's the acting going?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said. "It might not be for me."

"Well," she said, "you'll figure it out. And you'll be great."

*

Celeste went three more dates without inviting him up, even though he was keeping her from the shallow pool that was his circle of friends. So, on date number five, he grabbed her wrist before she left the car. She had a mix of confusion and interest on her face, the same way he always imagined Shannon would look if he ever said, "I'm in love with you."

"Boone?"

He leaned forward and kissed her hard. She eased away from him and nodded towards the front. He assured her that his driver couldn't see through the dark glass as he pushed up her dress.

"I don't even know what he looks like, honestly," Boone said.

"Still. I don't think we should do this here."

"I've needed you for so long," he said, and she melted in a way that would have made him think less of her if she weren't almost Shannon.

He kept kissing her and touching her and lying to her and, when he slipped his fingers inside her, she was wet. One orgasm and one unwrapped condom later, her legs were around him and he was fucking her. It was satisfying despite its awkwardness, because she felt just like he'd imagined Shannon would feel like, and she held onto him in the desperate way he hoped Shannon would.

But, after it was over, she wouldn't look at him. He wasn't sure if he came too fast, moved too hard or muttered Shannon's name.

"Don't call me again," she said before she slammed the car door.

Later, when he talked to Shannon, he told her, "I think I'm in love."

She paused with what he needed to be jealousy. "That's great."

He wanted to say, "I'm so miserable I can't breathe."

*

"I think I should get a real job," he said. Underneath the table, the girl Robert had set him up with for the night was rubbing his thigh. He barely felt it, even when her touch moved higher. "Be... respectable."

"You're rich," Robert said. "Of course you're respectable."

Boone didn't know if Robert was deluded or trying to be funny. He didn't care to ask.

"Is this about that bitch that dumped you?"

Boone blinked; he didn't even remember telling anybody that he'd seen Celeste more than once. "I barely knew her."

"I'm talking about the girl in the pictures, not whoever you fucked last."

The girl's hand jerked away like she was insulted. Boone didn't care. He was too wasted to get it up anyway.

*

He was also wasted when his mother called. His stepfather was in an accident, she said, and his mind flashed with images of Shannon, pale and broken.

"I'll get the first flight," he said.

"You don't have to come running back just because you think Shannon needs you."

"Maybe I thought you needed me."

There was a long pause. "I'm fine."

"I need to get out of New York, anyway," he said. "I'm getting the first flight."

"I need to talk to you—"

He hung up the phone. He didn't call Shannon before he left because he didn't want to be tempted to feed her platitudes about death. He wanted to tell her the truth.

Even at the time, he knew he was setting himself up for another failure.

END