oh, woe is me (a journal of ficlets)

You're Out of Place, Time (Pam/Angela)

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 02:29:58 GMT

Title: You're Out of Place, Time
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 03:00 / generational, 11:00 / punctual, 08:00 / heyday
Pairing: Pam/Angela
Spoilers: through 'The Return'
Word Count: 163 + 141 + 150 = 454
Rating: PG
Summary: Three times that Pam's considered Angela.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*
Generational
*

Pam feels like Angela should've been born at least sixty years earlier. She probably would've been happier living her prime in an era when her strict view of life was more common, when she didn't stick out like an especially sore thumb in a conservative blouse.

Also, Pam wouldn't have met her. Which might be a horrible thing to think, but if she hadn't met Angela, she wouldn't have let Angela kiss her in a fit of sadness that's no doubt been caused by Dwight's downfall. Wouldn't have had to wonder if Angela now thinks she's more of tramp for allowing this mutual debasement to continue. Wouldn't have to think that she likes the way Angela kisses, despite or because of the fact that Angela feels and looks like someone on the verge of tears. Wouldn't have had to hear the words, "Let's never speak of this," said with an edge of accusation.

She wouldn't feel like she's made things worse once again.

*
Punctual
*

"Hello, Pam," Angela says.

Angela isn't facing Pam when she says this, or when Pam says hi back.

Angela stares into her mug, keeps stirring her coffee though she didn't put anything in it, then says, "I'm sorry for what happened the other day."

"You don't need to--"

"I do," Angela insists. "What I did yesterday was wholly inappropriate. Things have occurred recently which have put me under stress, and that stress has made me act irrationally. It's necessary for me to apologize for that."

Pam nods. "Yeah. I'm sorry, too." She pauses. "And if you need to talk--"

Angela shakes her head. She still fails to meet Pam's eyes. "I will keep that under advisement." She says it softly, tentatively. It sounds like honesty.

For some reason, this makes Pam wish that she and Angela could be friends.

*
Heyday
*

Angela's smiling again. Well, as much as Angela ever smiles. There's no more talk of that thing that happened, and Pam still wouldn't call Angela her friend. She's not sure what Angela thinks of her, if she's still calling her a hussy to the documentary crew. Perhaps she's even doing it more, bringing a bitterness to it that future viewers will puzzle over. It's hard to tell with Angela, and Pam supposes it always will be.

Sometimes, Pam still thinks of Angela's mouth. Of what it would be like to kiss an Angela who respected her more, of what it would be like to kiss someone who didn't eventually end up pulling away from her.

She still feels like Angela belongs in another time. Though, when she considers it, Angela seems happier in this world than Pam has ever been.

The phone rings. "Dunder Mifflin," she says. "This is Pam."

END

Lifelong Fling (Pam/Karen)

Tue, 25 Dec 2007 02:03:35 GMT

Title: Lifelong Fling
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompts: 12:00 / lunchtime, 10:00 / wristwatch, 14:00 / season, 19:00 / outdated, 18:00 / afterlife
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Spoilers: through 'A Benihana Christmas'
Rating: PG
Word Count: 101 + 144 + 125 + 116 + 174 = 660
Summary: It begins over lunch.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Title is also an Over the Rhine song.

*
Lunchtime
*

It begins over lunch, though Pam doesn't recognize it beginning at the time. All of it seems rather harmless, Karen's smiles and her fingers brushing over Pam's arm as she leans closer. Some 'getting to know you' talk sprinkled with flashes of humor. The start of friendship, she assumes, not a dance of flirtation.

Later, she'll wonder how she could've been so oblivious, especially considering what happened with Jim (she had pledged to always pay attention, to not live in denial any longer).

Later, she'll think of the third time Karen laughed as the moment she fell in love with her.

*
Wristwatch
*

After the first night they sleep together, Karen leaves her watch on Pam's nightstand. Pam takes it to the office in her purse, trying to think of a way to return it that won't look suspicious. She eventually does it in the bathroom, away from the cameras. "You left this at my place," she whispers.

"Oh, cool." Karen takes it without quite touching Pam's fingers. "I thought I lost it."

"Well, you didn't." Pam doesn't quite know what to say after that, and she just stares at Karen. "So. That's that."

Karen pulls her in for a kiss nonchalantly and using one fluid movement, like Pam should've been expecting it. Her heart's beating fast in her chest, and she tries to tell Karen to slow down. Instead, she ends up saying yes, saying yes again when Karen invites her out for a drink.

Yes.

*
Season
*

The documentary starts airing in the spring. Michael is oblivious to how he looks, quoting all his best lines the day after each new episode. Pam feels sorry for him, feels even worse when she thinks of how she and Jim used to be; friends. It's late summer when Karen says, "Are you in love with him?"

"No," Pam says. It's a little bit of a lie.

"Were you?" The silence makes Karen tense up. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell."

"My girlfriend being in love with my ex-boyfriend is a thing to tell."

There are talks, long talks, and Pam says that she wants this, and it's mostly the truth, so, "Don't walk away from me, okay?"

She doesn't. Not then.

*
Outdated
*

They decide to break up after the Scranton branch is shut down. Pam knows that Karen's using it as an excuse, a fact that Karen admits with a this wasn't going to work out anyway said against Pam's cheek. They sleep together one last time the night before she helps Karen pack some of her things. It's not moving day, but it's coming soon. She's going back to Connecticut, she says, and she doesn't know what she's going to do.

"Maybe I won't stay in Connecticut." Karen looks at the spines of the books in her hand before placing them in a box. "Maybe I'll go to New York."

Pam almost says, "Take me with you."

*
Afterlife
*

Jim calls her months after the branch closes but only a couple of days after the final episode of the documentary airs. "I miss you," he says. "I've missed you for a long time."

"Me, too," she says. It's mostly the truth.

They get engaged soon after, get married soon after that. No more time to be wasted, that's the storyline. She assumes she'll stop thinking about Karen after she's married, but that's not true. She lingers, somehow, passing through Pam's mind even during happy moments. She wonders what Karen's doing, who she's with, where she is. She paints imaginary pictures of Karen's new life, and sometimes Pam is with her. The thoughts eventually cease, or at least cease being constant, when she's been a wife for half a year. The thoughts return periodically at the oddest moments, linger after the kids have grown and she and Jim are waiting for grandchildren to come.

Pam thinks of looking Karen up. A simple internet search that she's avoided for years. She never will give in.

END

I Knew It, I Always Did (Pam/Karen)

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 01:44:42 GMT

Title: I Knew It, I Always Did
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 17:00 / finite
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Word Count: 216
Rating: PG
Summary: This was meant to end.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*

This was meant to end.

Pam knew that from the beginning, and that's why she almost didn't let it start. But her and Karen's friendship slipped into Something Else so effortlessly that it barely felt like a risk, silencing the terrified part of her.

(She loses either way, she always loses.)

This was meant to end.

Pam knows this, so she doesn't miss seeing Karen's clothes in her drawer, doesn't miss waking up to her, doesn't think of the conversations about nothing.

(Or the conversations about everything.)

This was meant to end.

Because Karen's not Jim, and Pam still doesn't know what she wants. It seems like she has a million ways to make herself unhappy, and the key to finally feeling content is a figment of her imagination. This Jim, this perfect love, this thing that he doesn't seem to have for her anymore.

(There's someone out there who can love her when she's ready for it, there has to be.)

This was meant to end.

Karen wasn't supposed to be the one to solve everything; to heal her broken heart; to give her a reason to be okay with what she wants; to stay.

(What she was supposed to be is still a mystery.)

This was meant to end.

(Everything that's like love does.)

END

Full Stop (Pam/Karen)

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 22:04:21 GMT

Title: Full Stop
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 20:00 / twilight
Pairing: Pam/Karen, some Pam/Jim
Word Count: 170
Rating: PG
Summary: Pam's not talking to Karen.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*

Pam's not talking to Karen. Or Karen is not talking to her. She can no longer tell which of them is willfully ignoring what they did and which is going along with the idea that pretending it never happened solves the problem of what comes next. It almost feels like that night didn't occur. Like it's all some dream she can't shake.

(Maybe Jim's confession of love was a hallucination, too; in her mind, Jim's kiss is replayed with the same confused haze that Karen's are cloaked with.)

She considers asking Karen point-blank, but Pam's not a point-blank sort of girl. It's like she's used up all her courage on her broken engagement.

(One step at a time is taking too long, but it's all she can manage.)

So she stares at Karen, at the back of Jim's neck. She wants to scream at her, at him, and herself. She wants to know how she ended up in this place.

(She waits for someone else to make the next move.)

END

Fear of a Fun Day (Pam/Karen)

Sat, 08 Dec 2007 03:14:06 GMT

Title: Fear of a Fun Day
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 02:00 / anniversary
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Word Count: 244
Rating: PG
Summary: On their six month anniversary, Pam's still unsure of what she and Karen are doing.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*

On their six month anniversary, Pam's still unsure of what she and Karen are doing. Well, she's sure of some things they're doing. They're dating. They're sleeping together. They're leaving their things at each other's apartments. They're worrying that people are going to find out, Michael will have a Lesbian Fun Day to celebrate their love and, over Toby and Angela's objections, he'll decorate the office with pictures of Ellen and put together a playlist of k.d. lang and Melissa Etheridge songs.

Well, Pam's worrying about that. Karen still hasn't had the fear of Michael burned into her. At least not so much that she's envisioning nightmare scenarios.

(She's not even taking Pam's nightmare scenarios seriously; when Pam told her of the lesbian party she imagined Michael throwing, Karen was mostly distressed that Michael would be so outdated in his gay music references.

"If he's going to throw me a coming out party, he should at least do enough research to find out about Tegan and Sara or something.")

But, anyway. Pam isn't sure where this is going. She's not sure if it'll last, if they'll tell other people, if they're on their way to falling in love. Mostly, though, she's okay with that. With not having everything planned out and filled with expectations. With not worrying that she'll be trapped in something she doesn't want.

On their six month anniversary, Pam is as close to content as she's felt in a long time.

END

These Things Just Happen (Pam/Karen)

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 05:48:11 GMT

Title: These Things Just Happen
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 16:00 / evolution
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Rating: R
Word Count: 145 + 101 + 130 + 124 + 185 + 119 + 152 + 250 + 128 + 149 = 1,483
Spoilers: through 'A Benihana Christmas'
Summary: A few months in a life.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*

January 3, 2007

Pam never would've thought she'd be friends with Karen, but here she is, sitting on Karen's couch and eating pizza.

"Don't tell Jim I like anchovies," Karen says. "Our relationship's too young for that kind of shock."

Pam tries not to react to the sound of Jim's name. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Is it?"

Pam nods. "I'm good at keeping secrets."

Karen smirks. "Oh, really? About anyone I know?"

"I can't tell you. Otherwise, I wouldn't be good at keeping secrets."

"Okay. But is there any way in? A way to win your trust so I can get dirt on people?"

Pam shrugs. "Maybe. After I get to know you better."

"If you were really good at keeping secrets, you would've said never."

Karen smiles at her, a big silly grin. Pam laughs; for the first time in a long while, she's actually happy.

*

February 14, 2007

The first time Karen kisses her, Pam blushes. They're spending Valentine's Day together for reasons Pam didn't particularly get until this moment, and when she pulls away, Karen looks mortified.

"I'm sorry," she says. "It's just..."

Karen doesn't complete the sentence, and Pam doesn't ask her to.

"Don't be sorry," Pam says. She can still feel heat on her cheeks. "It's just... a thing that happened."

"Totally," Karen says. "Totally. I'm going to go."

"You don't have to."

"Yes." She nods firmly. "I do. You don't hang around after you impulsively kiss--"

Pam presses her lips against Karen's. Karen stays.

*

March 2, 2007

In the past couple of weeks, Pam and Karen have kissed each other more times than Pam is comfortable with. Not that she's really all that upset by the fact that she might be a little bit gay; she just doesn't know how to take chances like this. It feels so new that it's beyond scary, but she can't seem to stop herself. Plus:

"You know..." Pam begins. "Jim."

Jim is still her friend, even if he is being standoffish, even if she's not sure if they can get past Casino Night.

"I know," Karen says. "It's completely messed up. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I know that. But I can't keep doing this behind his back."

Karen nods. "Yeah. Neither can I," she says before walking away.

*

March 7, 2007

"I broke up with him," Karen blurts out. There's an anxiousness to the way she's looking at Pam, one that spells out that this is not a plea for sympathy, but a way to ask if Pam wants to continue what they put on hold. "I broke up with him," she repeats, more calmly but with the same purpose.

Pam finds it liberating to be with someone who knows what they want while she's free. She doesn't have to second-guess, weigh her options, think. She doesn't have to close a door that can never be opened again, doesn't have to say, "I can't."

So Pam kisses her. Lets Karen take her to the bedroom.

Pam is surprised that it can really be this easy.

*

March 8, 2007

Karen's hand is on one of Pam's breasts, fingertips sliding over her nipple. Pam's body tenses and Karen stops.

Karen opens her mouth as if to say something, then lets out an audible exhalation. Pam waits for her to ask if they should stop, but Karen instead curls her lips into a small smile. "So, are you going to tell me the office secrets now?"

"I never should've trusted you." Pam laughs. "Never."

"Man, I could've told you that."

Pam starts to tell Karen that this is the first time she's had sex in a long time, that she's never had sex with a woman, that she's only had sex with one man. But then Karen's mouth is on hers, kissing her in the way that makes this all feel less insane. Soon, Karen's mouth is moving down Pam's body until her head is between Pam's legs. Her fingers turn to fists around the sheets as the rest of her body relaxes. Karen's tongue slides over the inside of Pam's thigh, and there's no turning back now.

No turning back.

Pam's okay with that.

*

April 7, 2007

Karen wants to celebrate their one-month anniversary, but Pam thinks it seems a little trivial. Pam supposes it's because after years in a relationship, one is not really invested in tiny milestones. But then Pam realizes that this is a pretty big deal, right? Dating a woman after years of assuming that you weren't going to? Being with a new person after ending a long relationship? Finding someone who makes you happy and having the timing actually be right?

Yeah, it's a pretty big deal. They go out to dinner, drink a little too much, have sex on Karen's couch. Which might not be entirely nutty or noteworthy, but it's actually one of the better anniversaries Pam has had.

*

May 1, 2007

"Do we have to report this to Toby?" Karen says. "Because I don't know if a secret relationship will work. Long-term, I mean."

Pam shrugs. "Works fine for Dwight and Angela."

Karen's jaw goes slack before she lets out a laugh. "That's one of the secrets you know?"

Pam covers her face. "I can't believe I said that."

"I can. Because it was only a matter of time before you realized I was worthy of knowing such secrets."

Pam smiles, lowering her hands back to the table. "You do have a certain something."

"Man, Dwight and Angela. That's kind of bizarrely perfect." Karen pauses. Her face goes serious. "Do you want this to be something long-term? Because that's what I want, and if you don't--"

"I want that," Pam says quickly. "But let's not tell Toby right now, okay?"

"Okay," Karen smiles. "I didn't feel like having that conversation today, anyway."

*

June 4, 2007

"I guess we're no Dwight and Angela," Karen whispers into Pam's ear.

Pam catches Jim looking at them, and his eyes quickly dart away. "I can't believe I'm going to say this," Pam replies, "but I really want to be them."

"I saw this movie on TV a few weeks ago," Michael says, standing at the front of the conference room. "It was about some dude who researched how and with who people did it. He researched how people did it and with who they did it... he liked asking people about sex. He created this scale. On one end, there's completely straight people like me. On the other, completely gay people like Oscar." Oscar sighs. "And in the middle, there's Pam and Karen." He gives a nod in their direction. Pam has never seen him look more serious, and it's pretty much freaking her out. "In the spirit of understanding, Pam and Karen are going to tell us about what it's like for them."

Now Pam's really getting freaked out.

"Michael," Toby says. "I have to reiterate that this is entirely inappropriate--"

"Shuuuuuuut it," Michael says. "Biophobe." He gestures at the front of the room. "Karen. Tell us about the things you do."

"Michael--"

"That's not inappropriate. I'm not asking about sex routines, you pervert."

Karen holds up her hand. "What are you asking?"

"About what you go through every day, always so confused about who you want to have sex with."

"Michael--"

"Toby! Come on!"

*

June 7, 2007

Jim doesn't leave the state.

This fact both relieves Pam and scares her. Because she doesn't want Jim to hate her, doesn't want him to feel like he can't be around her, but she also doesn't know if Jim can even pretend to tolerate her while she's dating his ex-girlfriend.

So. That's a problem she never thought she'd have. But she has it. She finds herself not knowing how to talk to Jim, even more so than when he had just come back from Stamford. But, at the end of the third day after he -- and everyone else -- found out about her and Karen, he tells her, "I just want you to be happy. So... I'm not mad."

He sounds like he might actually mean it.

*

July 4, 2007

Pam tells her mother about her relationship with Karen over the phone, then invites herself over to her parents' place for Independence Day. Karen repeatedly asks her if she's ready for this, and Pam says, "If I can deal with Michael, I can handle my totally cool Mom."

Karen quirks an eyebrow. "Your mom is totally cool, huh?"

"Well, about this. I'm not saying she's cool cool."

"Is she really okay with this?"

"Why wouldn't she be?"

Karen gapes. "You know the answer to that."

"Yeah, but... I swear, she's okay with this."

Pam never thought she'd be taking her girlfriend to meet her parents, but here she is, Karen in the passenger seat and a shared Big Gulp in the beverage holder.

"We should've left earlier," Karen says, looking at the traffic in front of them.

Pam nods. Taps her finger against the steering wheel. "It'll be okay."

END

Waking Up (The Office, Pam/Karen)

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 00:25:49 GMT

Title: Waking Up
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 06:00 / dawn
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Rating: PG
Word Count: 100

Disclaimer: This does not belong to me.

*

She can't remember the last time she woke up in a bed that wasn't her own. Or Roy's.

Well. That's because there is no last time.

There's just this time, only this now. Now, with someone else's sheets rubbing against her skin as she glances at an unfamiliar clock. Now, with Karen curled up on the other side of the bed. Now, with her clothes scattered over Karen's floor. Now, with the sun spilling through the window onto Karen's back. Now, with something entirely new in both her present and her future.

She's not as scared as she should be.

END

Not What You Expected (The Office, Pam/Karen)

Sat, 26 May 2007 20:20:51 GMT

Title: Not What You Expected
Challenge: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompts: 22:00 / heartbeat, 04:00 / insomnia, 09:00 / planned, 15:00 / unpredictable, 07:00 / awakened
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Word Count: 180 + 161 + 118 + 146 + 119 = 724
Rating: R
Spoilers: through 'The Job'
Summary: Pam's not gay. Really.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue!

Notes: This is inspired by 'The Job,' but is rather AU.

*

22:00 / heartbeat

"I think it's great that Jim has you. Really. One day, I'm going to find my version of you." That doesn't sound right. "My Karen." That doesn't sound better. "A male version of you." Pam pauses. "I'm not gay."

"Okay," Karen says slowly.

"What?"

"What?"

"Are you saying I'm gay?"

Karen raises her eyebrows. "No."

"It would be fine if you thought that. I don't care."

"I don't. I just thought that 'I want a man Karen' was a strange thing to say."

"Oh." Pam frowns. "I guess it was. So, are we okay?"

"We're fine." She stops for a moment, stares at Pam appraisingly. "Are you sure you're not gay?"

"Uh, yeah." Pam tries not to squirm. "Why?"

Karen shrugs. "Because if you're not sure, I could always kiss you. If you're even a little bit gay, I'm sure you couldn't help but like it."

Pam just gapes at her. For some reason, her heart is beating faster than usual.

"I was making a joke. Like, I'm so irresistible."

"Oh." Pam smiles. "Funny. Very funny."

Karen nods. "Okay, then."

*

04:00 / insomnia

Pam can't sleep.

Because she keeps thinking about kissing Karen.

And, okay. This isn't the first time she's considered it. It would be kind of crazy for her to think about kissing a girl just because of a joke. Crazy. But it's always been a fleeting thought that's never really come to the forefront of her mind. Something she fantasized about once or twice because in the middle of a conversation with Kelly about a Jodie Foster movie she'd watched on cable, Kelly went on a tangent about how she saw some Karen-esque clothes in an article about fashionable lesbians. And...

Now that she thinks about it, Pam's not sure why that led her to briefly ponder what it would be like to kiss Karen. But it did. And the awkward conversation with Karen is now leading her to obsess about what it would be like to kiss Karen.

Point is, Pam can't sleep. And she can't really explain the why.

*

09:00 / planned

Pam plans out exactly what she's going to say to Karen. It's going to perfectly reasonable and brave, and Karen won't think she's crazy.

Well, maybe Karen will think she's crazy, but that's always a possible side effect of telling the truth.

"I've been thinking about it," Pam says, approaching Karen by her car, "and I want to kiss you."

"You want to take me up on my joke?" Karen says incredulously.

"Essentially... yes. I've been having these thoughts, and I don't quite know what they mean... I'm trying to be more honest, you know, take more risks--"

Then, Karen's kissing her. Open-mouthed and with her hand on Pam's back.

It raises more questions than it answers.

*

15:00 / unpredictable

Out of all the places Pam expected to be tonight, Karen's bed was not one of them.

Now maybe she should have figured that going up to a woman and saying, "I want to kiss you," would have had such a consequence, but. Pam was pretty much operating on the assumption that Karen would blow her off or Pam would be completely unmoved by any lip contact that did occur.

It's a good thing she didn't bet on it. Because if she did and someone had "Karen will be kissing her way down Pam's stomach by 6:25," Pam could've owed big.

Also, it would've been a really weird thing to confirm to other people in the office.

But. In any case, Karen is kissing her way down Pam's stomach, then settling between Pam's legs, and.

Pam supposes there could be worse things to lose money on.

*

07:00 / awakened

By the time evening turns completely into night, Pam is pretty sure that she likes kissing Karen. She also likes moving her fingertips up the inside of Karen's thigh. Feeling Karen's teeth lightly scrape against her nipple. Watching Karen's head move between her legs. Having Karen show her what to do and hearing Karen whimper as a result of her mimicry. Doing something that wasn't instructed and hearing Karen cry out as a result of her ingenuity. Just the feel of Karen's skin, of her breasts, of the curve of her hip, of her body. Karen's body against her own.

It's all pretty... amazing.

Pam's sure of one more thing: she's not gay. But she's not exactly straight, either.

END

We Will Be Such Blushing Brides (RPFS, Kate/Katie)

Fri, 18 May 2007 03:49:40 GMT

Title: We Will Be Such Blushing Brides
Challenge: femslash100 #110: remainder (going back to #88: hips)
Fandom: RPFS
Pairing: Kate Walsh/Katie Heigl
Word Count: 155
Rating: R

Disclaimer: This isn't true! :(

*

"I hear you're getting married to... that guy you met."

Katie's hands are on Kate's hips when she says this; her tone is conversational, as if it's a perfectly normal thing to say before you go down on someone.

Kate cocks an eyebrow, eyes the engagement ring that Katie forgot to take off. "Are you pissed at me? Because, honestly, that's way too hypocritical. Even for L.A."

Katie lets out a sudden laugh, making Kate's hips buck. Her fingers press harder against Kate's skin. "I mean that we're both going to be brides now, and we should take this opportunity to bond. We could go looking at gowns together. Help each other in the dressing rooms. You know. Girly stuff."

"You... you are going to be my maid of honor."

"Naturally."

Then Katie's tongue is moving over her, and Kate's thinking that planning a wedding might be more enjoyable than she ever could have imagined.

END

Three Times You Let It Happen (The Office, Pam/Karen)

Sun, 13 May 2007 22:52:14 GMT

Title: Three Times You Let It Happen
For: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 00:00 / beginning
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Spoilers: 'A Benihana Christmas'
Word Count: 106 + 187 + 171 = 464
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Not mine!

*

It begins like this:

There's mistletoe above you. Karen's reaching up, about to take it down out of respect for Angela and her probable fear of random kisses, when she hesitates. "We should honor tradition, right?"

Your fingers press against your palm. "What?"

She gestures above your head. "Tradition."

"We should kiss?"

"We don't have to. I just thought--"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess. Makes sense."

Karen touches your lips with her own. It's soft and closed-mouth, but you feel something shifting. Immediately, you find yourself wishing you could go back and just make everything normal again.

You've been having that thought a lot lately.

*

It begins like this:

You're at Poor Richard's, drinking with your co-workers and trying to avoid Jim and Karen's eyes without making your discomfort too obvious. You feel like you're failing, even when you're alone in the bathroom with no one to pretend to. When you come out of the stall, Karen's by the mirrors. She's applying lipstick very slowly, continues doing so as you wash your hands.

"Did I make everything weird?" Karen says. "You seem... uncomfortable around me."

"No," you reply. "Of course not. I'm just... not feeling well. I probably shouldn't drink when I'm tired. Bad combination. Real, real bad. Real bad."

Karen smiles at your reflection.

"Pam... I like you," she says, and you're expecting (hoping for) her to say that sparking this friendship was so easy that she doesn't want to risk losing it, but instead you get another kiss. It's more firm, and your mouth opens against hers for reasons that exist on the periphery of your mind.

The one that's at the forefront is, This might be one of the times where it's just simpler to go along with it.

*

It begins like this:

It's two weeks after your last kiss, and you're on her bed. The real reason Karen has for inviting you here draws patterns in the air between you, but you're both ignoring the tension. She's currently explaining why she's still living in a hotel; you're barely listening to what she's saying. Then she's telling you, "Jim and I aren't serious. He made that clear. The day after Christmas."

You wonder what role she wants you to play (supportive friend, relieved future love, passive listener), but before you can figure it out, she starts talking again.

"I know this has got to be weird, with you and Jim being friends. I understand if you want this to end right here. I'd totally understand."

Karen emphasizes totally and puts her hand on yours. She seems so sincere that it breaks something inside you; you hate when people look at you like you hold their happiness in your hands.

You're silent. But when she kisses you, you don't pull away.

END

What She Doesn't Know (Won't Hurt at All) (GA, Meredith/Addison)

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 02:17:43 GMT

Title: What She Doesn't Know (Won't Hurt at All)
For: greys_prompts
Prompt: Meredith/Addison, unknown
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 206
Spoilers: 'What I Am'
Summary: "Meredith's learned a lot about you over the past couple of months."

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I'm realizing the title is sort of a Lloyd Cole lyric, but his song has nothing to do with this ficlet.

*

Meredith's learned a lot about you over the past couple of months. She knows what it takes to make you come. Why you like it when she looks into your eyes and touches your cheek. How comforting it is to have her fall asleep with her arm draped over your stomach. What you thought you were fighting for when you tried to reclaim your marriage. Why you took some time before following Derek to Seattle. How Derek's lack of any lingering love for you still stings.

It's a lot more than Derek knows.

That hurts, too. But it's hurting less with every bit of you that she absorbs. It's strange, having a fresh start with someone who's part of your history, but there's something exhilarating in turning a leg of your last love triangle into your latest romance. It makes you feel like your time in Seattle has not been a waste.

That's something she knows, too.

What she doesn't know is that you told him not to hurt her again. That you're the type to follow your own advice. That you didn't enter this hating her. That you're more than a little bit in love with her.

She'll figure it out if she wants to.

END

So It May Seem (The Office, Karen/Pam)

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 01:12:36 GMT

Title: So It May Seem
Challenge: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 05:00 / contemporary
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Rating: PG
Word Count: 167

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*

Sometimes, Pam thinks that Karen is like Jim, just without the history of missed chances and resentment that doesn't always stay as nicely concealed as they would like. This usually occurs to her when she and Karen are plotting a way to irk Angela or are making fun of Michael, and it makes Pam feel guilty. Perhaps she is just using Karen as a substitute, a second chance masquerading as a fresh start.

(She isn't proud of this possible motivation for her relationship with Karen, but then again, she isn't proud of much. Not that she's ashamed about many of her actions; she's more ashamed about what she hasn't done.)

But then there are the things she never got to experience with Jim: the late nights and early mornings; the highs and lows of realizing you're falling in love with someone before your heart is broken; kisses that aren't meant to prove anything. And she's sure that it's better than it would've been with Jim.

(Pretty sure.)

END

Tomorrow in a Box (GA, Izzie/Addison)

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:53:19 GMT

Title: Tomorrow in a Box
Challenge: greys100: Shade
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Izzie/Addison
Spoilers: "Walk on Water"
Word Count: 191
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Not mine! Don't sue.

*

On her second day back in New York, Addison finds herself staring at hair dye, pondering which one best compliments her current situation. Unfortunately, there's no shade along the lines of "Adulterous whore/divorcee/somewhat gay seductress who's fled Seattle in the wake of a newly shattered love affair."

Maybe it's sold out.

So she studies the colors. Blue and orange are out; no one would trust a surgeon who uses anything called "Aquamarine Thunder" on her hair. Blond? That's been done and would remind her of Izzie (whom she is definitely not still in love with). Black? She's learned from a failed experiment in college that she's both too pale and not pale enough to pull off that look. Brown? Maybe. Perhaps golden brown (or as it is called on the box, "brown sugar"); it's not too mousy and definitely does not look like the hair of a person who just moved to the other side of the country to get over a younger woman.

Not that she's still in love with Izzie. Because she isn't.

She makes her way to the checkout with her chosen color, telling herself, Change is good.

END

This is Not Everlasting Love, But... (Pam/Karen)

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 01:58:23 GMT

Title: This is Not Everlasting Love, But...
Challenge: femslash100's aroundtheclock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 23:00 / endless
Pairing: Karen/Pam
Word Count: 162
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Characters from 'The Office' are not mine. 'The Princess Bride' also does not belong to me.

*

"Don't get me wrong, I like the movie--"

Pam nods. "As everybody does."

"I'm sure I could prove you wrong on that, but I won't," Karen says. "I don't want to collect evidence that beats up on a movie that has Mandy Patinkin and fencing."

"I don't know if you're being sarcastic, but--"

"Sarcastic?" Karen visibly scoffs, then mimes holding a sword out in front of her. "'My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.'" She fake fights for a moment. "That's the best part."

"Of anything. Ever."

"Okay, so. You like this movie too much." Karen pauses. "I just think... love doesn't last forever. At least, not that sort of passionate, desperate, best kiss ever, worshipful love."

A surge of nervous energy flows through Pam, and it doesn't wind down as Karen's fingers brush against the outside of her leg.

"I think you just have to live for the moment."

"Oh?"

Karen leans forward. "Yeah."

END

On a Dime (CSI, C/S)

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 22:41:00 GMT

Title: On a Dime
Challenge: femslash100's drabbletag
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Catherine/Sara
Prompt: unexpected
Word Count: 148
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: Not mine!

*

You're taken aback by the kiss, even more so because you've been conditioned to expect the slow dance. The series of almost compliments, the impassive looks, the months of the other person pulling away until you're not certain if even you are in love anymore. But Catherine is not about subtlety, and you're not about to stop her now that your passion for Grissom has turned dry and sexless.

The kiss suddenly turns to Catherine on her knees, tugging down your pants. Then to you, back arched and a thigh resting on her shoulder as her tongue circles your clit. After you come, you join her on the floor, pawing at her heated skin. You're telling her how much you want to fuck her, but what surprises you most is the thought that's running around in the back of your mind: you really want Grissom to find out.

END

There Will Always Be (The Office, Toby/Pam)

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 23:08:59 GMT

Title: There Will Always Be
Author: Michelle K.
Challenge: toby_pam #1: "You learn to love the pain you feel."
Rating: PG
Fandom: The Office
Pairing: Toby/Pam
Word Count: 309
Summary: You're as okay as ever.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

*

There was a time, right after the divorce, when you thought things could get no worse.

Strangely enough, they didn't.

They also didn't get much better, but you learned to live with being alone and having your daughter as a visitor in your own home, with having a list of goals you're too tired to meet. Despair just doesn't hit you anymore. You don't know if you can attribute that to burning out on your own depression or learning to love the pain you feel, but you're grateful; at least there's the possibility that things will get better. That Dunder-Mifflin will close and leave its employees with generous severance packages. That Michael will realize a mistake on his own and not insult you in the process. That you'll finally ask Pam out, really ask her, and she'll say yes despite understanding what you mean.

You find yourself thinking about that last possibility more and more, as it's probably the most reasonable one. (When Dunder-Mifflin collapses, you don't imagine them leaving you a lot to live on, and Michael's gotten this far without much... okay, any self-awareness.) It would just take a few words to start it all. Then there'd be laughing over coffee and her saying, "I'm so glad we decided to do this." Her fingers brushing over your sleeve and "We should do this again." Her tugging on her sweater in a way that makes you feel okay about being nervous and "I had a nice time." Her lips on yours and "Really."

You know you should do something about it, considering that it's the only dream you could make come true. But there's something comforting in not having her; that way, you can never lose her. That way, there's still a promise, another tomorrow that could change your life.

You're okay for now. As okay as ever.

END

Teaching From Experience (RPFS, Bridget Moynahan/Mary-Louise Parker)

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 03:49:29 GMT

Title: Teaching From Experience
Challenge: femslash100 #104: class
Fandom: RPFS
Pairing: Bridget Moynahan/Mary-Louise Parker
Rating: R
Word Count: 201
Notes: Inspired by this.

Disclaimer: This did not happen.

*

She's telling you about her experience: the heartache, the loneliness, having to see her name in the papers followed by whose boyfriend left her when she was seven months pregnant.

"And the pictures of them together. It's silly," she says, "but I was so angry that they had the audacity to be happy. You know? Like they should both have scarlet letters on their clothes."

"They should be shunned," you say. "All of them."

She smiles at you as if your bitterness is quaint. "Trust me; one day, she'll dump him. And it will be the funniest fucking thing ever."

"Well, she is a supermodel." You smirk. "And he is an asshole."

She laughs and gives you a nod of approval; you've passed the first lesson in her school for the pregnant and dumped. After she pays the check, she asks if you have anywhere to be.

"No," you say.

You end up in her bed, her head between your legs. You wonder if this is another lesson, a seminar on how to make lesbianism work for you, but it's too enjoyable to be homework.

Though it is teaching you that there are better things to concern yourself with than Tom.

END

We Are an Impulse (The Office, Pam/Karen)

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 03:39:45 GMT

Title: We Are an Impulse
Challenge: femslash100's Around the Clock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 13:00 / instantaneous
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Word Count: 210

Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me.

*

Pam doesn't think about kissing Karen. Not even right before she does it.

And the fact that she does do it means she should've been thinking about it, right? There should've been a careful plan, a weighing of the pros and cons, a pondering of what this means for her straightness and/or her possible future with Jim. But there was none of that. Just moving in. Just feeling her lips against Karen's. Just allowing the kiss to deepen as Karen's hands start moving up and down her sides.

Just action.

Pam will admit she's not sure what to make of the new, mildly reckless her. But that's partly because Karen's hands are cupping her breasts and now she *is* thinking. That this is going a bit too far. That Karen is Jim's close-to-ex-girlfriend, but there's still a 'girlfriend' in there. That she's never kissed a woman before this moment, let alone slept with one. That she can't do this.

That she *can*.

Because she does want Karen, even if she didn't let herself truly consider the possibility. Even if she's going to be halting and unsure of what to do. Even if they've both kissed Jim.

Pam *wants* this.

The next thing she does is start to unbutton Karen's blouse.

END

You Have a Point (TLW/DH, Jenny/Bree)

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 01:50:56 GMT

Title: You Have a Point
Challenge: femslash100's drabbletag
Fandom: The L Word/Desperate Housewives
Pairing: Jenny/Bree
Prompt: kinky
Spoilers: 'TLW' – S3; 'DH' – early S1
Word Count: 191 + 238 + 141 + 142 = 712
Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: No one belongs to me.

*

You started dating Anna because you thought you should make another attempt at stability. A nice, pretty doctor with decent, upstanding friends, some of whom you've been able to tolerate.

But this one?

No.

Well, you suppose Bree Van De Kamp isn't Anna's friend. Anna knows Rex, who you were told is a nice enough guy.

If he were really so fucking nice, why would he marry such a judgmental bitch?

Bree avoids looking at you, which you're not sure is better than her initial reaction to your presence: pursed lips and wide eyes, as if the phrase "and this is Anna's girlfriend" were the most horrifying words a hostess could hear.

You stop what you were doing -- drawing a pair of breasts in your garlic mashed potatoes -- and clear your throat. She doesn't turn to you. "Excuse me," you say, "did your husband not tell you that he was inviting a couple of dykes?" She looks right at you and somehow seems to sit even straighter in her chair. "Because I can't see why else you're treating us like garbage."

And the dinner party comes to an end.

*

"I can't believe," Anna says. "I can't... you're a child. Do you realize how incredibly rude--"

"Me? She was the one treating us like shit. I thought--"

"You can't go into someone's house and behave--"

"--Stepford wives were supposed to be more polite."

"Are you listening to me?"

You stare out the car window, think: This is why I can't date normal people. "Do you want me to apologize?"

"Yes."

"Well," you reply, "I'm not going to."

And yet, the next day, you're at the front door of the Van De Kamp house, saying, "I came to say I'm sorry."

Bree invites you in with a chilly warmth that seems to come naturally to the rich and bored. After she offers you tea, you admit you're not really here to make amends. She bristles; you wonder how she could get wound any tighter.

"I hope you don't expect me to apologize," she says.

"I don't."

"Then--"

"I thought I would fuck you."

"Get out--"

"Being so hostile to a lesbian couple, there's got to be a reason for that. You know?"

It's then that she pushes you, and you realize that she's not going to listen to your theory about how most homophobes are just queers filled with self-hatred, and how letting a woman fuck her brains out would help her.

So you kiss her as she's shoving you to the door.

*

When you fuck her, she begs you to be rough. You almost don't comply just to keep her wanting -- there's something intensely satisfying about frustrating her. But there's also an appeal in using one too many fingers with too much force and making her cry out in pleasure. You bite hard onto her nipple; look up at her with wide eyes.

"Guess I had a point," you say, but she's too busy keeping her eyes closed as she shudders against you.

You don't wait for her to properly recover before straddling her mouth and opening yourself for her. Knees pressed against her hardwood floor, you quickly flick at your clit and wait. Fingers digging into your hips, she moves her tongue in more assured strokes than you would've assumed.

You're even more surprised that she manages to make you come.

*

She doesn't look at you as she puts her clothes back on, not even when you ask her questions. They're questions she probably doesn't care to answer, but it's still pretty fucking rude.

You wonder how many times you'd have to go down on her before she'd pretend to have respect for you, though it's not one of the subjects you ask about.

"You do realize this bullshit suburban façade isn't going to make you happy, right?"

"That is where you're wrong." She smoothes out the front of her sweater. "I'm perfectly happy."

"I'm sure you are. You know," you say, picking up your bag, "I am sorry. That you're not going to change."

"Well," she replies. "I feel sorry for you." She looks you in the eye. "You're obviously a very troubled woman."

You flash her a smile before you leave.

END

No Harm Done (GA, I/A)

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 03:47:26 GMT

Title: No Harm Done
Challenge: femslash100 #100: remainder (going back to #22: kisses)
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Izzie/Addison
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: through "Wishin' and Hopin'"
Word Count: 157 + 129 + 114 = 400

Disclaimer: Not mine!

*

Kiss One:

One minute, Izzie is talking about the fact that she's not rich anymore ("Do I seem different? Or I guess what I should ask is did I seem different when I was rich?"). The next, her mouth is on Addison's. Addison's not quite sure this is something she should be doing, but it can't be much worse than the whole on-and-off thing with Mark. Or the fact that she keeps eyeing Alex like she's going to jump him and probably would jump him if he seemed more enthused by the prospect. Or that time she kissed Callie.

This is not to say that she's kissing Izzie back because she's made worse decisions in the immediate past; it's just part of it. Most of it has to do with how Izzie is kissing her, needy and desperate, as her thumb plays with the top button of Addison's blouse.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be wanted.

*

Kiss Nine:

"Before we do this," Izzie says, "I just want you to know that you did not turn me gay."

Addison tries not to smirk; Izzie doesn't seem like the type who likes to be mocked when she's half-naked. "And you want to make this clear because..."

"Because I want you to know that I've done this before... that you don't have some sort of crazy gay power."

She lets out a sigh. "I really wish someone would call me irresistible."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You are irresistible," Izzie asserts. "Have I been resisting? I haven't been resisting at all. I pretty much jumped you--"

"I know that." She kisses her way up Izzie's neck and brushes her lips against Izzie's. "And appreciate that."

"Well," Izzie says. "You're welcome."

*

Kiss Twenty-Six:

Izzie's eyes are closed as Addison brushes her thumb over Izzie's clit; stay closed as she starts drawing circles around it.

"Look at me," Addison says.

Izzie's muscles clench around the fingers that are inside her as she follows Addison's command. And this is how Addison fucks her: with the lengths of her fingers. With her body looming over Izzie's. With Izzie's eyes darting over the contours of her face. With Izzie rocking against her hand like she needs to get off right now.

And maybe it is urgent because when Izzie comes, she seems to sigh in relief.

"Well," Addison says. "You're welcome."

Izzie lets out a laugh before kissing her.

END

That Crazy Modern World (A Story for the Ages) (The Office)

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 03:36:40 GMT

Title: That Crazy Modern World (A Story for the Ages)
Challenge: femslash100's Around the Clock
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Prompt: 01:00 / prehistoric
Pairings: Pam/Angela, Pam/Jim, Pam/Karen
Word Count: 210 + 173 + 144 = 527
Spoilers: through 'Traveling Salesman'
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me.

*

It's a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl. Girl's engaged to a guy from the warehouse, but grows very close to boy. Boy loves girl. Boy tells girl. Girl decides to go through with her wedding anyway, then decides against that. Boy moves away for awhile, comes back dating new girl. Girl realizes she loves boy, becomes sort of friends with new girl, goes on a few dates, gets kissed a couple of times by her uptight coworker (for reasons she doesn't know because there are some things uptight coworkers refuse to discuss). And eventually girl talks to HR guy about this because, well, HR guy is always the one who has to hear everyone else's problems. And HR guy can't comprehend that the woman who loves her jazz babies poster and hates the sluttiness of various colors also dabbles in lesbian debauchery.

"Not my judgment," HR guy says. "It's just..." A soft, sad sigh. "Something I think she'd say."

"I actually have heard her say that." Girl furrows her brow and doesn't mention that uptight coworker was feeling her up at the time the phrase was uttered. "Could you not write this one up? I just needed to... talk about it."

HR guy understands completely, of course.

*

And girl goes on with her usual day of not laughing at her boss's jokes and trying not to stare at boy for too long. Usual until uptight coworker enters the kitchen after her and stands on the opposite side of the room, busying herself with coffee filters.

"Don't turn around," uptight coworker says. "What were you talking to Toby about?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I asked about Sasha." Girl is not exactly lying. "She--"

"Good. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner at my house tonight."

Girl starts to turn her head. "I--"

"Don't turn around," uptight coworker snaps. "Pam," she says, voice evening out into a neutral tone, "would you like to have dinner at my house tonight?"

And so this girl thinks long and hard about the invitation she's been given. Girl thinks about the lonely night she was going to have, about boy flirting with his new girl, about the fact that uptight coworker wasn't a bad kisser.

"Yes," girl says. "I would like to. Thank you."

*

The story doesn't end there, nor does it end with the night of homemade food and awkward fumbling. It doesn't even end a few months later, when this not quite a relationship does (partly because uptight coworker wrinkles her nose at girl's The Princess Bride DVD and says, "Buttercup was a tramp"), or a few months after that, when girl finally gets boy, or a year after that, when their love proves itself to not be everlasting. You couldn't even say that the story ends when girl kisses girl who was once new girl, even though she thinks to herself, Maybe this one will work out. Maybe.

The truth is, these sorts of stories never end until lives do. It's impossible to know where time will take you.

And that's why life is better than a tale that's been told a million times before.

END

Love Means Doing Things to Feel Sorry For (Grey's, I/A, M/A)

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 00:20:49 GMT

Title: Love Means Doing Things to Feel Sorry For
Challenge: femslash100 #100: remainder (going back to #20: conflict)
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairings: Izzie/Addison, Meredith/Addison
Spoilers: Season 2. Ish.
Rating: R
Word Count: 149 + 184 + 243 + 126 + 120 + 116 + 104 + 134 + 164 = 1,340

Disclaimer: Not mine! Don't sue.

*

"She was very rude to me. She's in *my* house, sleeping with *my* roommate and she's *rude* to *me*."

"Well," Cristina says, "you did sleep with her husband."

Meredith's shoulders slump. "I'm not sleeping with him anymore. We're both victims here. And she's being rude to *me* in *my* house."

"I'm being standoffish," Addison says. "Not rude."

Meredith grimaces before turning to Addison, who is standing at the doorway of the kitchen. *Meredith's* kitchen. "Hi, Addison," she says. Meredith realizes after the fact that she doesn't sound very friendly.

"I'll be out of *your* house in less than an hour. I will, however, still be sleeping with your roommate."

After Addison leaves the room, Cristina says, "It seems like you're the rude one. From a neutral standpoint."

"You're *my* friend. You're not supposed to be neutral."

"Please stop saying *my* that way. It's off-putting."

"Sorry. But--"

"Enough."

"Fine."

*

A couple of days later, in George's bed, Izzie leans over George to say to Meredith, "You have to be nicer to my girlfriend."

"Would you be okay with me bringing... Olivia home?"

"I wouldn't," George interjects.

"You can't be mad at everyone who gives you syphilis," Meredith replies.

"Addison is not to you what Olivia is to me," Izzie says. "Addison was wronged."

"I was wronged, too."

"Wait." George's brow furrows. "Everyone? Am I going to get a lot of syphilis? *Should* I have had a lot of syphilis?"

"It's just awkward, okay?" Meredith says. "I see her and I think about Derek, how things went so wrong, and I know seeing me makes her think about Derek and how things went so wrong for her. And you can't tell me she doesn't."

"She does," Izzie says. "And I've told her to be nicer, too. I realize this is weird, but I don't want to move out or break up with her. So."

"I don't want you to."

"So."

George nods. "Good. Just to be clear, nobody's going to sleep with Olivia, right?"

*

The following week, Izzie asks (read: orders) Addison and Meredith to dinner. George refuses to attend, saying, "I don't have a problem with Addison. And it'll be awkward. I can't handle more awkward. My life is awkward." Izzie explains that the whole point of this is to kill the awkward, but if he wants to skip the birth of togetherness, that's his business.

Meredith's never seen George look more relieved.

Meredith orders (read: begs) Cristina to accompany her. The food is takeout, Izzie and Addison are overly cute and Meredith tries not to look at Addison the wrong way. She's nice, really, and using tight smiles to pretend that there would never be a reason for them to feel strange around each other. The fallacy is like a weight on her chest, and when she excuses herself to get another bottle of wine, Addison follows her.

"Oh, God. Could you just let me relax?" Meredith snaps.

"I'm not trying to make you tense," Addison says. "I just think you're not trying."

"You'd know something about trying to save a sinking ship," Meredith says. She's suddenly aware of how close Addison is, and seeing Addison's face crumble from a few inches away makes her feel sympathetic instead of indignant. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Addison says. She moves closer, and for a moment, Meredith thinks she's about to be kissed. But, instead, Addison grabs the bottle of wine off the counter. "Let's go back in."

*

Meredith thinks she must be really slutty to think of her tension with Addison as something sexual. She *is* a little hung-over, though, so maybe it'll seem less slutty after another cup of coffee. Or maybe it'll be *super* slutty.

"Do you mind if I have some coffee?"

She looks up at Addison. "Help yourself."

"That didn't sound sarcastic."

"Izzie would be proud. It's a shame she's not here."

"She's sleeping," Addison says softly, and it's then that Meredith realizes her tone is that of super slutty seductress. "She's sleeping."

Meredith doesn't really know how it happens, but soon, she and Addison are on the floor, awkwardly pawing at each other and trying to stifle their moans.

Meredith is the first to say, "Don't tell Izzie."

*

The thing that makes Meredith feel really guilty is how happy Izzie is. The guilt, however, is lessened by the fact that Addison has no intention of leaving Izzie.

"I just," she says as she draws a circle around Meredith's clit, "need to get this out of system."

Meredith wishes Addison would stop making such pronouncements during sex; it makes it hard to get lost in the feeling of Addison's fingers inside her. (Especially when she mentions Derek. Yes, she mentions *Derek* during sex, usually as a "Maybe if he'd gotten you out of his system..." which is... not nice. Not that any of this is nice.)

"Then," Addison continues as she sinks between Meredith's thighs, "everything will be okay."

*

Meredith doesn't tell Cristina she's having sex with Addison. She doesn't even really acknowledge that she's having sex with Addison when she's alone with Addison. She also finds herself avoiding Izzie in a way that makes George suspicious.

"Is this because you don't approve of her girlfriend?" he asks over lunch. He waves his plastic fork at her before she can answer. "Because that is not cool."

"It's not that," Meredith says.

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing. I'm not avoiding her. We just keep missing each other... we're very busy people."

Meredith notices Izzie walking toward them and abruptly gets up.

"I have to go," she says.

"Not cool," George yells at her retreating frame.

*

"We have to stop this," Meredith says.

It's the first time she's said anything during sex and it makes Addison still. "I know," she says.

Meredith bites her lip as Addison's fingers continue moving inside her. "I'm serious," she exhales. "I can't be this... person... who..."

"I know."

After Meredith comes, Addison leans forward and whispers, "I know we have to stop this. I do."

There's a kiss that almost feels like goodbye. Meredith wants to tell her not to hurt Izzie, but she knows it would sound silly coming from her.

It's the next time they're in Meredith's bed that Izzie catches them.

*

Izzie doesn't yell at Meredith; she doesn't even really look at her. But Addison, she screams at -- Meredith can still hear Izzie when she and Addison take the confrontation to Izzie's room. She can also hear Addison, pleading and desperate and crying, and Meredith just sits on her bed, plagued by the paralysis that comes with ruining things.

"I'm moving out," is all Izzie says when she sticks her head in Meredith's doorway.

"I know," Meredith replies, but Izzie's already out of earshot.

She lies down and listens to the rest of it –- Izzie throwing her things into bags, George returning home and saying, at the very least, "What?" and "I'll come with you," Addison saying, "Let's just talk, please," over and over –- and when the house is finally quiet, Meredith cries.

*

An hour later, Meredith finds Addison sitting on her front porch. Meredith sits down next to her. After all, Addison can't judge her. Addison's no better than she is.

"I'm in love with her," Addison says suddenly, as if grateful to say this to someone who will listen, "and this is what I did to her. And for what?"

When Addison shoots Meredith an apologetic look, Meredith realizes she's supposed to be offended. "Oh, I realize I'm not worth it."

Addison lets out a quick, awkward laugh. "I just meant... I love her."

"I know what you meant."

"I love her... and is this just what I do now? Cheat on people?"

Meredith nods. "And I'm the one who cheats with people."

Addison's laugh lasts longer this time, but it's still a little hollow. "We are quite a pair."

Meredith takes Addison's hand in hers. "I'm sorry."

"Me, too."

Addison clenches her fingers around Meredith's hand as they silently stare up at the sky.

END

I'm Sorry Now, But I'll Be Sure to Remember You Tomorrow (RPFS, Ellen Pompeo/Kate Walsh)

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 03:39:49 GMT

Title: I'm Sorry Now, But I'll Be Sure to Remember You Tomorrow
Challenge: femslash100 #100: Remainder (going back to #23: Apologies)
Fandom: RPFS
Pairing: Ellen Pompeo/Kate Walsh
Spoilers: For the 2007 SAG Awards
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 308

Disclaimer: This did not happen.

*

"Look, I'm sorry," Ellen says. "My mind is... jumbled. We're working long hours, Isaiah's in homophobe rehab, everyone's asking me about feuds and slurs, and I'm a little drunk... Did I mention the homophobe rehab?"

"Yes." Kate nods. "And I'm so glad you did. Has such a ring to it."

"Also," Ellen continues, "I'm not good at speaking. In front of a lot of people. When drunk."

"Uh huh."

"Plus, you know."

Kate raises an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

"The incident earlier in the evening." She waits for Kate to show a glimmer of recognition, but she gets nothing. Not even a smirk. "You know." She leans forward and waves her hand in a frantic gesture that she means to stand for 'C'mon, you *know* what I'm talking about.' Kate takes a step back. "When you kissed me." In the bathroom, before either of them had started to drink, Kate said, 'You look good' and... there was kissing. Kate had kissed her before -- with a similar lack of provocation -- but this was the first time she seemed to *mean* it. "There was tongue. That's distracting."

"I know." Kate shrugs. "But I kiss everyone."

Ellen relaxes a little as Kate smiles. "You are such a whore."

"And yet, you don't know who I am. I thought my whoring was enough to make you remember me, but--"

"I *am* sorry."

Kate curves her hand against Ellen's hip. "There are ways to make it up to me. Granted, they were things I had in mind before you mixed me up with your TV mom, but they could also be an apology."

Ellen laughs. "You really are a whore."

"You know that's what you like best about me. Outside of my distinctive name."

There's another kiss, and by the time they're naked, Ellen is certain that Kate is serious this time.

END

We May Kiss Where Others Could Find Us (The Office, Pam/Karen)

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 01:59:49 GMT

Title: We May Kiss Where Others Could Find Us
Challenge: femslash100 #100: remainder (going back to #26: careless)
Fandom: The Office
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Word Count: 290
Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me.

*

Pam doesn't really do careless things. Perhaps it's a fault, perhaps it's a strength, but she's certainly getting tired of the trait. That, she supposes, is the reason she's kissing Karen. In general and right now, in the stairwell, where anybody could find them.

Any...

(Jim. God, that would be... difficult. Or the beginning of a porn film, since she's going through a 'caution to the wind' stage. But, yeah... probably just difficult.)

...body...

(Michael. He'd find a lot of ways to expose the 'humor' of the situation. Then there'd have to be another awkward meeting about 'diversity,' and it would result in Michael solemnly saying, "It's okay for two girls to kiss. In fact, it's really, really hot. If they're the right girls.")

...at...

(Angela. Staring at them with her 'I disapprove of sluts' face, eyes flashing with an extra hint of 'I distrust gayness.' It would probably be at least fifty-two percent funny.)

...all.

(A cameraman. Pam would be another female who's had her flirtation with lesbianism filmed, but at least she wouldn't be on a Girls Gone Wild DVD.)

Anybody at all.

She finds herself grinding her hips against Karen. Perhaps she's secretly an exhibitionist, but it's more likely because Karen's a great kisser and has her hand just underneath the curve of Pam's breast. At Pam's moan, Karen pulls back. Her lips brush against Pam's once last time.

"We should really get back," Karen says.

"I don't know," Pam says. "When Michael starts singing, he might not stop until someone grabs the guitar from Dwight's hands and starts beating them with it."

Karen smiles. "Is that *really* out of the realm of possibilities?"

"Yeah." Pam nods. "We should go."

She pulls Karen in for another kiss.

END

And Gasp For Air (The Office, Pam/Karen)

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 07:43:30 GMT

Title: And Gasp For Air
Challenge: femslash100's Around The Clock
Prompt: 21:00 / mourned
Claim: The Office, Pam Beesly
Pairing: Pam/Karen
Spoilers: Through "Back From Vacation"
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 230 + 150 + 160 + 160 = 700

Disclaimer: Not mine! Title is from a song by The Mountains Goats.

*

Pam's on Karen's couch, listening to the reasons why Karen and Jim broke up.

"I always knew, somewhere in the back of my mind," Karen says, "that it wasn't going to work out. But I moved here for him. I followed him. And that, my friend, is lame."

"You took a chance," Pam says. She picks at the label on her beer bottle. "There's nothing wrong with that." She affects a smile (if she lets herself openly wallow in her own problems, she's not being a good friend) and turns to Karen. "And if you had taken another job, you would've missed the bustling night life of Scranton. And so many Michael moments."

"True. But I could've seen those on TV."

"But then it would've been less horrifying."

"Oh, sure. The horror *is* the best part. And," Karen says, smiling slightly, "I got to meet you."

"Well, that has to make everything worth it," Pam says.

Karen nods and clinks the neck of her bottle against Pam's. A couple of hours later, Karen's kissing the corner of her mouth. There are no declarations, no questions, and Pam doesn't pull away as Karen *really* kisses her.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Pam confesses, her fingers resting on Karen's hips.

"I can help you figure it out," Karen says.

Karen laughs. Pam echoes the sound with her forehead against Karen's shoulder.

*

Pam thinks it isn't fair to Karen to withhold the truth (to not say, Jim was in love with me, once). She hasn't even told Karen that Roy isn't just a cute guy from the warehouse (she swears that someday, she'll tell Karen that she loved Roy; maybe even add that she didn't love him enough). It also isn't fair that every moment with Karen feels off, that she's haunted by the idea that Karen is not the person who should be in her bathroom at six in the morning; kissing her between jokes; saying, "If you want to take it slow, we'll take it slow." That Pam's too scared to think about what she really wants from Karen or what Karen needs from her.

None of this has been fair to Karen from the very beginning. She wishes (desperately, and for the millionth time) that things could be different.

*

After the fifth time she has (still slightly awkward yet strangely thrilling) sex with Karen, Pam is pretty sure she shouldn't be doing this. When she admits this to Karen, Pam is staring at the ceiling. "It's not," she adds, "it's not you. It's... I don't know what it is."

"That's all you're going to say? 'It's not you'?"

Pam doesn't respond.

Karen stays still and silent until Pam pretends to be asleep. She gets out of bed and makes more noise than is necessary when putting on her clothes. After the front door slams, Pam turns on the TV just so she won't have to spend the night with silence (again).

She gets a few hours sleep. She bursts into tears in the shower (and briefly wishes she still had someone else to blame for the risks she refuses to take). At the office, Karen ignores her, never looking back at Pam no matter how long Pam watches her.

*

"We should talk," Pam says. "I still want us to be friends." She hopes that Karen can recognize the desperation in her eyes, the loneliness, the I-need-someone-to-talk-to ache.

Karen's gaze darts to the window of the breakroom. She's still aware of the cameras when she needs to be. "I can't talk about this here. But... I don't think we can."

"I don't think that's true," Pam says half-heartedly.

They sit there, sodas in front of them, both waiting for the other to leave or change her mind. Karen finally gets up after glancing over at Pam and muttering, "I'm sorry... I'm just sorry."

Later, one of the cameramen asks her, "What's going on with you and Karen?"

"There's nothing going on." Her breath hitches; she can imagine someone watching this a few months from now and seeing right through her from the comfort of their own home. "It's no big deal."

"Is it about Jim?"

"No," Pam says. "It's not."

END